Week 1...leaving Beaver Falls, PA

Wow, what a tremendous response to my first post, two questions in under 30 minutes! I am leaving my home in Beaver Falls this evening to travel cross country teaching my tantra & plastic canvas workshops. I promise, my faithful readers, I will stop to answer your questions wherever I find free internet access and a good stash of Canadian Oregano.

Now, lets get to the questions...

Q: Maude Clemmons said...

Hi Dr. Goldbeaver!

I was wondering if you are married, or in a committed relationship?

I love making beautiful and useful objects from plastic canvas and think we might be a good match!

Most sincerely, Maude Clemmons


My Darling Maude,

I am overjoyed that you are to be the first of many "love connections" brought to me by this blog. I am currently unattached, and I would love to get to know you better. I will be holding one of my famous workshops at the Ihop on route 98 outside of Houston TX on March 1st (my how those Texans love their tantra and pancakes!) and I would be delighted if you could join us.

Tantricly Yours,
Dr. Goldbeaver

P.S. Please bring some of your plastic canvas along to the workshop. I would love to see your creations, and I promise to show you some creative new uses for them!

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Q: Pete E. Hardfellow said...

Dr. Goldbeaver,

I am so relieved that your blog is finally up and running (just as you promised). I've been checking each day...well, actually every hour, for your blog to be up.

OK, here is the problem. I am 38, unemployed and I live with my mother, in the basement. I try to meet girls but I get shy. I was wondering if you think I should maybe get one of those mail order brides? I have $456 saved up and I could sell my Star Wars action figures on Ebay for another $300 (but not Darth Vader with the blue saber because he's rare).

Thank you for your time?
When will you answer this? I will keep checking every 4 minutes.

Bye.

Mr. Hardfellow,

My friend, I feel your pain. Life on the road can get pretty lonely and I too have found myself longing for the love & companionship of a woman. But please remember, love is not something that can be bought or sold. Love is something that must occur naturally, and when it does it is more beautiful than a majestic eagle soaring through the sky.

I suggest you hang on to those action figures. What you need to do is find a woman who can appreciate you for who you are. Dress in your finest Imperial Army suit and take those action figures down to DragonCon 2008, and find a woman with an unhealthy fascination with Star Wars. Use the $456 you have saved to send your parents on a romantic weekend away, and invite your new love to your basement for a weekend of tantric pleasure, Star Wars-style.

May I suggest some Canadian Oregano and Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill to set the mood?

Good luck Mr. Hardfellow, and please keep me updated on your search for love.

Dr. Goldbeaver